I'll Be Above
SENG 2012

There is an injustice that has happened to me. I have NEVER been more angry, upset, and disappointed in my life. Nor have I ever felt so ROBBED and BETRAYED especially by an organization I loved so much, called Alpha Phi Omega at UC Santa Cruz. I’m gonna raise hell.

I know some of you may not understand due to your negative preconceptions of fraternities, and may think that I am overreacting, but just imagine working so hard for something then having it injusticely taken away from you and given away to some other person, who doesn’t deserve it as strongly as you do. Bottom line. Thus, I lead this campaign of SENG 2012, which is a stance against any injustices that has happened in your life. Haha, yeah I’m dramatic. Here I go. 

APO is a community service co-ed fraternity that does great service projects all over the country. I believed whole-heartedly in this organization and it’s principles of leadership, friendship, and service. This organization DID NOT EXIST on my campus before I sent a letter to the national office asking to charter it. Prior to this, I joined other organizations but didn’t feel like I belonged. I wanted to be a part of something. I wanted to make the most of my college career and feel like I belonged some where. As the process of chartering APO progressed, it became more than some org I was a part of, it became my life. I wanted to reach out and give other students on campus this opportunity of a sense of belonging, while helping those less fortunate in the community. Was this too greedy for me to ask for?

Soon enough, the members of this fraternity became my family. “Family” was a broken term for me due to my parents being divorced since I was 15 years old. I felt like I was lied to for 15 years. I was a victim of depression. It’s quite heartbreaking when summer comes and you usually take those fun family trips to Disneyland, but it stops. Then Thanksgiving rolls around and it just becomes a dinner for two, my mom and I. I used to blame myself for my parents’ divorce. My dad moved to Cambodia when I was 16, leaving my mother a single mother to raise lil burden me. That traumatic history of “family” still haunts me, but that ghost grew smaller as I spent most of my time with the new “family” I found in APO. 

In this new “family” of mine in APO, I could always count on a “brother” to pick me up from the bus stop on those cold, rainy nights, find company to eat at Wing-Stop, plan Vegas trips with, and most importantly, share our stories to gain that deeper, in-depth connection to understand each other as human beings. I did for them as much as they did for me. I took this concept of us being a “family” so seriously that I’d be to the rescue if any of them needed me. Imagine giving these people so much power as to call them my “family,” then them turning on you. 

I was Founding President. I founded that chapter. I built the foundations of everything they’re standing on right now with a few other important Founders, who are also speaking in my favor because this action that this current “active chapter” has taken has not only offended me, but all of those other Founders and RM class who contributed a great deal to everything (sorry, no patience to explain all of these terms, just follow my disappointed tone). 

I tried to “hear everything out,” but the answer these “brothers” of betrayal are giving me is, “sorry.. you’ll be namesake next year. We want to wait for you to come back from Korea and be around when the pledge class crosses. We voted for an IC brother because we felt sorry that he’s not a namesake at his own chapter.” 

That is some bullshit. I’ve been waiting to be namesake since the KP class, which was about 2-3 years ago! Everyone agreed (verbally before this unthoughtful decision) that I have enough creds to be THIS term’s pledge class namesake. “Felt sorry” for him because he’s not a namesake at his own chapter? Pity votes?! You must be fucking kidding me. I’m definitely not going crazy and just whining about it. My own Little Sis said,

“I hate you and I even think you were stripped of the recognition you deserve.” 

She hates me, but even she believes I got robbed! Wait for me to come back from Korea? How do you know when I will come back from Korea? I’m planning on staying here for 2 or more years, do a year in Japan, then apply to grad school in the East Coast. So I have to wait 5 years to be namesake while every other undeserving person, not from my own chapter, gets MY OWN CHAPTER’S namesake?! Did anyone even ask me if I preferred it to be that way? NO! I had a very clear talk with the new Pledge Parents that, if I was nominated for the honor of being namesake, I want it despite me being in Korea. It’s disgusting to me that I was such a mentor to those Pledge Parents most of all, then they turned their backs on me and vote someone else? One even gave me a guarantee that it would be mine. I feel like I was slapped 60 times because that is the majority of the “active chapter”. Them not voting me as namesake is basically a slap in the face and telling me that they believe I don’t deserve this highest honor in the fraternity in which I founded. And how embarrassing to me, as Founding President, that someone else from another chapter is namesake and not me! 

This news pretty much ruined my day and perhaps my week. I found out at work and was pretty damn heated, but I kept my cool because this job is important and I’m in Korea and I love the kids I’m teaching! I couldn’t even eat lunch. This is a huge deal to me. I gave everything I had to this organization, but they just slapped me in the face and rendered everything I did meaningless. Do you know how that feels? To work on something so hard, to put so much of your limited love and passion, and have people rip it to shreds then stomp on it? That’s how I feel.. unappreciated, DISRESPECTED, and demeaned. What’s worse is that I spent my entire college career to this fraternity! I held off on transferring out because I wanted to make that shit-hole college a better place for the students there. We always have some huge dramatic issue each term, and who has been there to resolve it? Me!!! I’m so sick of it. These people are adults and they still need alumni to come back and fix their perpetuating drama/problems. The current President, my own pledge child, thinks that this will be resolved by having a meeting with the disappointed Founders and revising the by-laws? That won’t solve shit! And from her tone in the email, she is trying too hard to justify the chapter’s decision. You can tell me that you honor me and respect me, but then stab me in the back? I’m no fool. I remember what it was like to control this chapter, you say whatever and people will follow like lemmings. I know very well that the Pledge Parents and President had an enormous role in controlling these votes. I don’t take your bullshit for a second. I’m no fool. And to that one from KP who only did like one officer position and wanted to run for PParent this term but didn’t even fulfill requirements, yeah. Who the fuck are you?! Oh right, you’re that loser that lost going for President and you’re still probably pissed off that I swayed the majority vote to the WINNING candidate. You may feel tough about so many other useless, dumbasses who like your comments that tries to bring me down. You’re a nobody. And to those few “Founders” who express your “embarrassment” of my bluntness, well, I’m embarrassed to call you a Founder because you didn’t do squat shit! Who are you? Seriously, who are you? You just went to one meeting in your four years of being “active” and you think that you are important. *Clap* Why do all of these nobodies suddenly get the courage to talk against me? Here’s a big F U. 

I know a lot of these “active” members in APO of the AGN chapter are upset with me, but I’m gonna say it straight up. I’ve been such an influential part of this chapter and it’s sad that I have to leave this impression, but I’m tired of tolerating this abuse of constantly being lied to and backstabbed. I don’t take shit like that. You all who try to attack me better be damn scared because my fan base is a lot larger than yours. I got homies up in South Africa, Korea and Canada. I’m shaming your name in front of all. (I got a lil redic on that one but, it gave me a good laugh). IF YOU HAVE THE FUCKING NERVE TO REBLOG THIS AND TALK SHIT, OOOOH I promise I will make your name more specific when I raise more hell. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen in that “special meeting” with the President and the disappointed Founders, but all I ask that at least the chapter changes the namesake Spring 2012 to A Founder FROM OUR CHAPTER, not me, but someone worthy of the title like Austin or Trang. It would definitely not be right if they changed it to me just because I bitched about it, nor will I feel right in taking it after I let them all know how pissed off and disappointed I am. These people used to be my “family”. Now, “family” is another broken term for me. 

Thank you all who have been caring and supporting me. I truly appreciate your friendship. I know this one is bold and gutsy, but my story has to be told. I can’t have people talking nonsense about me in another country! You decide. Take the stance against injustices in your life. SENG 2012. 

When people think of their heroes, it usually a person much older than they are. I have always found it interesting that I consider my baby sister as one if my heroes. People are three dimensional, that’s what I always say. My sister is the epitome of this. She is witty and also contemplative. She is full of life and energy and understanding and introverted. She is definitely unique but the typical baby sister, she is my hero. I adore her.
Kavey Seng

3 More days until I’ll be surrounded by all this goodness of food and dranks! But these people I will miss indulging with. 

February 14, 2012

My blogs nowadays lacks interesting and eloquent usages of language. I need to read more. I’m trying to read more on “world news” to prep me for grad school in global affairs.

http://www.nytimes.com/pages/world/index.html

Happy Valentine’s Day to the womyn who taught me how to love.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the womyn who taught me how to love.


February 14, 2012
Today, I just got really emotional. Not being able to see, smell, feel, experience my loved ones for 1-3 years is a bit heartbreaking. Also, my uncle is in the hospital again for having a heart attack. He’s one of my favorite uncles and my mother’s favorite sibling. Life’s hitting hard right now, but I’m managing.
I apologize to all the friends I’ve been a bitch towards; post-period-leaving-forever phase. Sometimes I feel like pushing people away would make leaving easier, but I just become more conflicted. 
My homie Leeha showed me a comedy skit from Dane Cooke about it being ok to have a good cry once in awhile. You just need a good cry to let everything out. Then pick yourself back up and live life contently again. As I read this fancy lamented card from my dear friend, Nim Nim Kwan, I’m starting to tear. Ok, now I’m balling. Being adventurous and following your dreams comes with a price. You don’t stay in one spot for very long. Ok, snap out of it! Must be strong. Moving along. 

February 14, 2012

Today, I just got really emotional. Not being able to see, smell, feel, experience my loved ones for 1-3 years is a bit heartbreaking. Also, my uncle is in the hospital again for having a heart attack. He’s one of my favorite uncles and my mother’s favorite sibling. Life’s hitting hard right now, but I’m managing.

I apologize to all the friends I’ve been a bitch towards; post-period-leaving-forever phase. Sometimes I feel like pushing people away would make leaving easier, but I just become more conflicted. 

My homie Leeha showed me a comedy skit from Dane Cooke about it being ok to have a good cry once in awhile. You just need a good cry to let everything out. Then pick yourself back up and live life contently again. As I read this fancy lamented card from my dear friend, Nim Nim Kwan, I’m starting to tear. Ok, now I’m balling. Being adventurous and following your dreams comes with a price. You don’t stay in one spot for very long. Ok, snap out of it! Must be strong. Moving along. 

If I end up with a cute lil studio like this one in Korea, I will be very satisfied. (Screenshots taken from Kdrama “Operation Proposal” Episode 1)

Packing…

Packing…

I was watching “Knocked Up” recently and a quote from Paul Rudd’s character stuck out to me, “Have you ever wondered how can someone like you?”. I’m selfish like hella. I don’t understand how can anyone like me (which are A LOT of people hehehe). 

I didn’t know what the Jeremy Lin hype was about, so I wanted to check it out for myself. I tuned in on this game live, and damn, I am amazed. That’s the aggressiveness basketball players need to win! Great representative for breaking Asian stereotypes that we can’t “drive”. hah.